My Mission is Greater than my Fear has been my "mantra" for the past two years.... or maybe even longer.... You see, I have battled fear most of my life but in the last five years, I have learned how to welcome fear, acknowledge that its in my life and learn to do life with it there and slowly the powerful grip that it had on me dissipates in various areas... as I continue to walk my journey knowing that I am afraid. Embracing the things that cause fear and validating my discomfort, has allowed me to be able to overcome things that use to cripple me. It has been quite a journey but I have received more gifts than I had ever imagined.
Fear is powerful, it can take over and really fuel our lives, for the good or for the negative, depending on how we handle it. We all feel fear, we all know it's there... we all manage it in various ways and we can either welcome it and get use to it or we run from it, until it overwhelms our lives.
One of my favorite therapists and authors, Chip Dodd, is quoted as saying, "Fear brings us strength. It is the feeling that allows us to experience risk, trust, dependency, collaboration, and ultimately, wisdom because it helps us realize our need for help."
I love this quote because I have been learning how to use my fear as my strength, to lead out of my vulnerability and to not have to be "perfect"... My desire to really live fully, and be fully alive and present is far greater than my fear of failure or doing it "wrong".... I feel most alive when I am trying new things, conquering heights, risking in relationships, loving fiercely, speaking my truth, being bold, and also letting myself be seen.
I love this picture because I am fully embracing this bump, and the excitement of becoming a mother for the second time. You see, I had a long journey with fertility. My husband and I lost 4 precious babies and then I couldn't get pregnant for a long time. The fears that I experienced during my journey in becoming a mother were gripping, debilitating at times and caused me so much anxiety and pain. I grieved and I grieved and I grieved.. I feared I would never be a mama... I feared I wouldn't be enough... I feared that I would always get pregnant and then lose another baby.... I feared that the depression wouldn't leave me... I feared that I was broken.... Through this heartache I learned how to grieve, how to face my fears and validate them but continue to walk through difficult situations with grace and dignity. I learned how to be vulnerable, which I am still working on today. I learned how to love myself. I learned that I am capable of way more than I had ever thought possible. Most of all I learned that I have a passionate and HUGE heart and I love hard and I grieve hard, and I can fight for what I want. I can grow, I can laugh and I can cry.... and I will live.... I won't die and I am loved. Through the losses and challenges I do not take it for granted for one minute that I get to be a mother. It has been the greatest privilege. My daughter was one of the most precious gifts I ever received and then my son was the most precious unexpected gift that I ever received.
Life is full of peaks and valleys, and its the valleys that give me deep gratitude for the peaks. Through it all, My mission of living fully and being fully present, and loving deeply is far BIGGER than the fears that use to hold me back. Life is too short and I have too many things to live for and to experience and to love.
Blend for Courage and Growth:
1 drop of Wild Orange
1 drop of Sandal Wood
1 drop of Grapefruit
1 drop of White Fir
Note: this amazing photo was taken by Marilyn Jeffers.
My name is Holly Boyer and I am a life long Alaskan, mama of two of the most precious babies, and wife to my soulmate.